Although I wished as hard as I could, this moment had to come to my life. I am in search for a job. I'm too old to pretend I can still be a student. I cannot fool myself and have to take this one giant step forward in my life towards stabilisation... only that I can't... because looking for a job is a bitch...
Here are some of my thoughts on how easy is to find a job in Poland:
There was a news article recently in one of news stations about unemplyment among fresh university graduates. A journalist asked some emplyers why aren't they giving any jobs to young people. They answered quite frankly, that young people have no working experience (obvious, up till now they've been studying, right?). Young people lack discipline (like... what? what do they mean? Do fresh graduates dare to have their own opinions? Do they dare to refuse working overtime without getting any pay for that?! Preposterous!) And finally, young people want to receive a couple of thousands of PLN payment (3000PLN is less than 1000 EUR, it's even less than 1000 USD! and usually graduates ask for 2000PLN).
I take this whole explanation as bullshit. It is an example of how deep this economic crisis is right now. It shows how full of themselves employers are, and how small can unemplyed expect.
I'm soon to graduate my fourth faculty (seriously! two bachelor's degrees, two master's). I have some working experience (maybe not full time, but those are quite decent examples of traineeships, practices and so on). My CV looks quite nice with a fine proper lenght, and gives this cool notion that I didn't waste my time entirely in my life (I'll never admit that I'm fooling myself with this line here :P). If someone asks me if it helps finding a good job I would answer: definitely not!
Why you ask? Because emplyers are not looking for "people", they're looking for "sheep"... really, brainless slaves that would willingly work 24 hours a day with 100% concentration on boring activities. At least that's what I assume from all those questions I've been asked during interviews.
Ah, yes! Interviews. Why does it always look different than how you imagine it?
That's a rethorical question actually.
Here is my short summary of how I see them.
If you see a bit of bitterness in my thoughts, than you are quite right. And it's all because I'm not making things up. It really happend to me... more than once :<
The only thing you can be sure of during job's interview is there are weird questions involved. To some of them it doesn't even matter what you anwer, because whatever you say would be wrong. To most of them you have to lie because noone sane would agree to the expected statements... Ah well, here are some questions I'm never sure how to answer correctly:
1) What are your salary expectations? (Jakie są twoje oczekiwania finansowe?)
As in above.... if you say less than 2000PLN than you'd have some serious problems to survive till next month! If you wish for more than that "you are expecting too much"... I've decided to never answer to that question from now on. It's me who wants to know their offer >:[
2) What do you know about our company? (Co może nam pani powiedzieć o naszej firmie?)
You can be 100% sure you'll be asked about that... And why asking that? Do they want to know whether I did my homework and know anything about them? Also, you have to talk in superlatives about them. I wonder how'd interviewers react if I said "Ah, yes! I've checked your financial statements, and last year you were below BEP. That's quite unfortunate. Plus, I've read someone filed a lawsuit against you for money laundering..."
3) Why do you want to work in our company? (Dlaczego chce pani pracować w naszej firmie?)
Because I want to find a job? Most obvious answer but you can never say that.... and you have to beat around the bush about self development and self fulfillment...
4) What are negative aspects of your personality? (Jakie są pani złe cechy charakteru?)
Any guidebook will advise you to be honest about this matter. But if they ever learned about your "dark side" they would never give you this job... maybe they would even make a quick call while smiling at you nervously... no seriously... you never say truth here.
5) Name your one greatest achievement. (Jakie jest pani jedno największe osiągnięcie?)
Only one? And what would that be? Reaching lvl 80 in MMO wouldn't probably be a good answer... In my case neither would be managing to draw +200 of comic pages...
6) Could you concentrete on your work 24 hours a day? (Czy potrafi sie pani skoncentrować na pracy 24 godziny na dobę?)
This question is a real bitch! It means "You will be working here all day long but we won't pay you for overtime." And answering "no" is an instant rejection to your application... In my case it turned out that you cannot turn this question into a joke... No one laughed >.>
7) How do you see yourself in a 5 years time? (Jak wobraża sobie pani siebie za 5 lat?)
Another masked question. With this technique interviewers want to know if you're planning a family, because, you know... every emplyer hates young mothers. They are on maternity leave, and they keep talking about their offspring, and they loose their sex appeal...
If anyone asks you that question, I tell you, answer them "I see myself with some fancy beard"... or tell them "I will be a Queen of Evil and I'l have my own young and handsome employees to molest..."
No! Wait... we've already agreed we never say truth... :P
And to end all this blabbering. Some examples of my interviews:
Inteviewer: So, could you describe how you worked as a teacher?
Me: That was a very valuable experience... bla bla bla... but in the end children told me that they feel pity for my future pupils because I'm a very strict teacher, so I'm probably not cut out to be one.
Interviewer: ... oh... (longer silence)
Interviewer: So how do you describe yourself in the future... How do you see your career?
Me: Of course, I would be reaching higher and higher!
(another long pause)
Interviewer: Um... So what can you tell me about teamwork...
Me: Yes, I'm usually playing a role of a coordinator. People ask me for some advises, I coordinate them. (read: lead them)
Interviewer: And when someone else is a leader? What did you do when you had a conflict?
Me: There has never been any conflict.
Interviewer: Um... Imagine, what would you do then?
Me: I would ask for reasons and logical arguments. I believe that everything can be solved through dialogue and negotiations. I don't believe someone wouldn't agree to logical arguments. (read: noone would win with me on arguments)
And so I'm forced to continue my quest of looking for any job...
